don't blow

museum of jurassic technology




Saturday, December 11, 1999

No more new entries for a bit, I'm afraid--I unnecessarily broke my computer last Saturday (not that any breaking is necessary, but the way I broke it was through unnecessary cleaning, you know I was doing that procrastination thing where you tell all your friends "NO I cannot go out with you tonight because I really really must do this paper which is due very soon! Look at me I am all good and I am not having fun so I can do my work! WOo-hoo! I must really be lame! Lamer than Christopher Reeves!" and then you start writing a little, but then--hey, I think my books need straightening up on my shelf. Let me check my email again for the 100th time, etc. My little procrastination thing was cleaning my keyboard...ugh. I took it apart, and did something bad.) But anyway. I am also bogged down with work, but I did take the time to add one link so as to not be too negligent of this pita. I just searched on google for "bulgy", and my pitas was linked first (WHOOPEE!) but next was this wacky little thang. The whole site is pretty good neat too, a monster motel with descriptions written by British kids.

Friday, December 3, 1999
Bill Gates is a DemiGod

This is one of my favorite Onion stories ever. I am so glad that I spent 7th grade as a total nerd playing AD&D, which allows me to understand the hilarity of parodies such as that! Actually I'm not. See, boys playing AD&D in 7th grade is pretty normal, and then they become all cool later in life, but girls who do generally become those renaissance fair sluts, as I like to call them. Strangely, the only reason why I started playing was to impress this girl who's father owned a hobby shop. She was a bad ass, making out with boys behind the bowling alley and stealing liquor from her parent's cabinet so we could get drunk late at night in her bedroom, and also she was always pulling stunts like tying vaccuum cleaner cords around her neck to cut off her breath for a few minutes and getting a high. A 13 YEAR OLD'S ROLE MODEL/DREAM TEEN!!!! Then in high school when she wanted everyone to call her a "wench" and always wore her "wench garb", I realized what an idiot I had been. Anyway, this is also pretty funny, it's an AD&D Guide to Sex, about using dice rolls and things to determine how good a lay your character just had. Whenever we played, "Wench" and Me would always demand a male strip club for our characters to go to. Sexxy and devient, huh?

Friday, December 3, 1999

My favorite tasty treat. I used to eat chicken ramen at my friend Rebecca's all the time (little did i know then it cost like 5 cents a bag, and here i thought they were being all generous feeding me when i sat there eating ramen while the rest of the family ate caviar sandwiches and fine wine). Once I made Rebecca laugh, and she snorted ramen noodles through her nose. (Rebecca was well known for snorting food. She once had a chicken mcnugget incident, and there were rumors for a while about a fancy steak dinner.) She never forgave me. But that's OK. Now I eat ramen practically every day! I don't even wash my pot out, I figure even though I eat different flavors, they all blend well, eh? I always eat Maruchan brand, but that is because that's the only brand they carry here. (Rebecca's favorite brand was Oodles of Noodles.) I have never tried the tomato flavor. That sounds extremely foul. OH! But I'd like to give a shout out to Maruchan brand instant ramen noodles, shrimp flavor, cause they have little freeze dried shrimp in it!!! That is so crazy!!! They are exactly like the little dried shrimp that you can feed your fish for a treat! And they plump up so well with just a drip of water!

Friday, December 3, 1999
I don't want to change the world, I'm not looking for a new England

Billy Bragg's official site. I love the man. He actually played at my tiny tiny college a few months ago, and said the word "fascist" at least 50 times. What I wish for is Billy Bragg fan fiction, maybe teaming him up with Morrissey for some 21st century crime fighting, or space travel, or romancin the ladies or something.

Thursday, December 2, 1999
Choose Your Own Ebola Adventure!!!

I just love a good Ebola story. I especially like if you follow the story of Nawa, how "She went back home and decided that this was definitely a honeymoon to remember."..........??????????

Thursday, December 2, 1999
Cellular Phone Hyjinx

Hyjinx is a really strange looking word, isn't it? Or maybe I just spelled it wrong.
This is one the fucking best sites I have ever been to. I use that explitive for supreme emphasis!! If you can only choose one site to go to from my pitas, choose this one! I cannot adequately express the love I have for it!!! The movies will just freak you out!! TOTALLY!!!!!!!

Thursday, December 2, 1999
Multiple Breast Story and Interview Page!!

This is just one magnificent part of a totally magnificent webpage devoted to one man's love affair with women with multiple breasts. Now you might be saying, don't most women have multiple breasts? But as Multibrst tells us in the FAQ, what he is referring to is the specialest of all ladies who are endowed with 3, 4, 6, or even 8 or more firm and luscious titties! HOLY JEEZUS!!!! Another of the funnest parts are the image pages, where he has used photoshop to copy the ladies breasts and paste extra ones onto their tummies. I personally really like the three breasted ladies in bras, where the large middle boob is magically suspended by a strapless cup. It reminds me of the strapless bras I wore for under dresses (this is before I turned into a total trash heap). And those things worked well enough that at my prom, at least 12 girls disgustedly asked if I was wearing a bra. Their dates just stared.

Thursday, December 2, 1999
Radio They Might Be Giants at WiredPlanet.Com

I went to a TMBG concert in October (which was, incidentally, called "Horn Attack" and featured a large section of horns, and also I sat next to Dan the guitarist's girlfriend for the entire show, and my sister started me off on a Cape Cod love affair, the refreshingest of all of alcoholic beverages), and they announced this web radio station through song (which is, incidentally, a song that the station plays). The station is neat, but they only have a limited number of songs that they cycle through, and only ONE FinGertips tidbit is represented. DANG it

Thursday, December 2, 1999

If you've read my diaryland stuff at all, you know about my fake hair thing. Well the other day I was doing a search on metacrawler that said "Frankenstein Colonial" (for my absolutely fabu term paper about race in the novel Frankenstein) and a bunch of links for wigs came up!!!! AAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!! Actually this site is very amusing, especially the "economy" and "deluxe" models. "Hmm, $25.90 is a ridiculous price for a Vampire wig....Nope, $10.95 is still too much...BUT WAIT!!!! $6.25???? That is a whole 4 dollars cheaper!!! And plus I get the added satisfaction of looking like a total ass!"

Thursday, December 2, 1999

Ugggh. I'm slowly getting back in business yo. I promise that in the coming weeks this will be back up to speed and I'll never neglect you again you delightful pita! MWAH! But I thought my first link would be to this nonsense, in case anyone was following the drama unfolding at diaryland and then stopped reading because it was getting just dumb and confusing. What delighted me was how the diaryist complained that his feelings were hurt, when he spent almost his entire diary insulting other people. Although I did read the journal, I feel the removal was warranted, as he claimed in a rather vague and confused way that he was Andrew. And this is also ridiculous. I hate people who use the term Nazi (or fascist) when insulting others. Does Andrew support a strictly regimented classed society in which a dictator rules by using propaganda to incite patriotism, nationalism, militarism, and hatred in his people? Does he send Jews and other races to death camps? NOOOOOO. Also it is just useless getting mixed up in other people's problems. It is his business, not yours.
....(Yes, that was intentionally ironic.)

Tuesday, November 16, 1999

Ha ha ha, this site has nothing to do with anything, but I just found it by chance. Bizarre Julia Child soundclips that someone made. I must say that I do love Julia Child, and cooking shows in general. THat is, in fact, how my family bonds. We sit around watching cooking shows together, like Cooking Live, Malto Mario (Mediterranean Mario now?), and that game show where they give the chefs 20 minutes to cook something superb with dumb ingredients. ANd no, I have not seen Iron Chef yet. DAMMMITT!!!!!

Tuesday, November 16, 1999
Body Modification Ezine...SCARY

Actually it is not my job to judge these people, I guess. Even though I cringe at the mere thought of some of these things. I GUESS I AM JUST NOT HARDCORE ENOUGH. DAMMIT!!!!! Well, anyway, there were a bunch of good stories about castration here and here. And then this one horrible thing. "Splitcock." HOT DAAAAAMN!!! Oh I guess all are pretty horrible to me. And then an amputation story. Oh the free stuff is all here. OHH!!! I should probably mention that it would be best if you were 18 if you wanted to look at this stuff. Actually, I think you must be 18. Also if you are a bit squeamish, it is horrible. So, I put this up as one of those "should i look?...welll....err......I guess" type things.

Tuesday, November 16, 1999

Two years ago I also had a Tamagotchi craze. I had a pink one that my friend Jen, a Toys R Us employee and provider of all the best toys in the world, had torn out of the hands of a drooly snot munching child. But I had to keep killing it because it kept growing up ugly!! It kept growing into a beaked beast, and I hated the beaked ones, I wanted the cute one with bunny ears! SO it had to die, many times. Then it was accidentally killed permanently in a freak accident involving a chair and my fat butt. Anyway, I remember when I found this site, and was all "WOW!" cause it was goth and Tamagotchi, combined into one! I played at it all day, in this boy Zeb's room, which prompted him to start calling me goth, even though at that time I was in a pink sweaters phase.

Tuesday, November 16, 1999
Gothy Guess Who

Here is a fun fun gothic game. My friend Brian D. sent this link to me, what a guy. He is well aware of my obsession with gothdom, well not really an obsession, but it is indeed my favorite teen subculture. Also I think I have a secret desire to become a gothic princess, you know, not the boooring mallterna goths, or the fetishist leather goths, or the vampires, but the neat goth ladies who wear corsets and bodices and bustles and hoop skirts, and look like proper--if somewhat pale and morbid--Victorian ladies. I have only once dressed like a goth, and this was one Halloween two years ago. Yes, despite what I said before, I occasionally participate in Halloweeny activities. Actually on this occasion I hadn't planned to, but after sitting around a bit like morons, my friends and I decided to put together last minute costumes and go to the big Halloween party next door. Problem: Erika had already put on her pajammies!!! Also she didn't own anything really black. Sooo...we all ratted up our hair like Robert Smith and used black eyeliner and red lipstick in a variety of ways, la la la, and put on our jammies...and went as pajama goths! We looked like extreme dorks, but yay. We started out the door, got as far as the lawn, saw naked people, and then realized Conan O'Brien was on. Oh Conan, you vile seductor.

Monday, November 15, 1999
Sideshow Fun

Well, isn't that better. It feels like spring cleanin. Out with the cruddy old links, in with the new shiny ones! Yay. This is a site I found a long time ago, when I had an obsession with sideshows and carnys. I bought this book at a used bookstore in my town called the Book Pit (it is decorated with bats and lots of young gothy men work there, they bring their dogs and it's a grand book-buying time). That is, the bookstore is called the Book Pit, but the book was called Step Right Up, and it was about a guy who just decides one day in the 1950's to up and join a sideshow. He becomes a fire swallower and a sword swallower, and the best part is, the book basically tells you how to do it! Actually, I must shamefully admit that I bought the book for its seedy cover at first, with half naked ladies and a funny looking leering man. But the book was oh so much more than that! After I read it I searched around for that documentary, Freaks, I think its called? It's about sideshow acts, especially the deformed humans. And around that time was when they had that musical on Broadway about those two Siamese twin sisters who acted in a movie. THey also sang. They were not played by conjoined twins in the Broadway play.